I’m reading Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. The quote above is from that book. My version of this quote would read, ‘There IS good shit up ahead, don’t rule it out”. This quote really got me thinking about how addicts (me included) can’t envisage a better future for themselves without their drug of choice. That getting clean or sober will just be hard work, and it will be difficult to cope, or self soothe, or socialise, or have fun, and that nothing will be ok, without drugs or alcohol. And yet I have never heard a single sober person say they regret getting sober.
I know that for an alcoholic to stop drinking for good, it has to be the alcoholic who makes that decision. The alcoholic has to want to change. Without that personal conviction behind an attempt at sobriety, chances of long-term recovery are slim. Not impossible, but slim. Anyone who has survived alcoholism will attest to that; and also, that we can’t do anything for a fellow alcoholic until they make that definitive decision to ask for help and get sober.
What I am trying to do here is make you want to stop drinking! No one can make that decision for you! But maybe I can help you move towards making that decision for yourself if you can see just how beautiful a sober life can be.
Your sober future is like an alternate universe! A universe that you can’t find it in you to conceive of while you are in active addiction. When you think you can’t live without alcohol, you are so wrong! When you discount a future that you can’t even begin to visualise, you are making a terrible mistake. I know it’s a big ask, but you have to believe that sobriety will give you a life beyond your wildest dreams! And don’t even try telling us that this does not apply to you. It applies to everyone who gets sober and stays sober!
Alcohol lied to me and it’s lying to you too. Alcohol reinforced my fears and my anxiety. Alcohol told me I was not ever good enough. The more I drank, the more anxious and fearful I became. Drinking throughout my teens and twenties reinforced my negative self-image and told me that my dreams were not achievable goals. And I believed it.
Ten years into sobriety I am still stunned when I compare how differently I approached life before and after I stopped drinking. Even during the many years in my twenties when my drinking was ostensibly under control and I drank socially and ‘responsibly’, my self-esteem was through the floor. I had zero confidence in my abilities. Before I got sober, I didn’t get a single job offer after interview. I flunked all the interviews I went to because I was so nervous. My frayed nerves were complemented by my enduring view of myself as ‘not good enough’. To get jobs, I’d have to go through recruitment agents who would send me into workplaces as a temp. I’d then quietly work hard and prove myself and be offered a permanent position.
BY comparison I got the first job I went to interview for after getting sober! I felt a little nervous, but no more than the average person. Sitting in an interview thinking to myself, ‘I can do this job just as well as the next person’ was an incredible feeling! I got this job just two months into sobriety. It took only two months of being alcohol free for my self-worth and confidence levels to improve so drastically. Two months!
Previously I had so little understanding of how significantly alcohol consumption can impact mental health. Although alcohol is used as a stimulant in the short term, it actually acts as a depressant long term. It also increases your anxiety, not sure if I mentioned that yet (wink)! If you’ve ever experienced ‘hangxiety’ you will have an idea. The more anxious I was, the more I used alcohol as a crutch, and the more anxious I became. It was the very definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I had no idea! I thought the self-loathing, anxious, ‘not good enough’ version of me was all me. But it wasn’t, it was largely fueled by alcohol! Take the alcohol out of the equation and you discover who you were really meant to be!
The job interview story is just one example of how life started to change for me once I got sober. I literally have been living a life beyond my wildest dreams! A year into sobriety, my husband and I moved to one of the most naturally beautiful parts of coastal Queensland in Australia. I actively sought work in the Fitness Industry and bought and ran a small gym! Me, a Boss Lady?! The members were an amazing group of locals who I care(d) for immensely. They looked to me for guidance and respected my opinion. They called me a ‘leader’! I still can’t get used to that term! As a successful businesswoman I won awards! One of them was a National Australian Franchising Award! My husband and I bought a house, and we love it! We take enjoy and take pride in spending time renovating the interior and the garden. I sold the fitness business eight months ago and have been enjoying some time off, marveling at how lucky I am to be sober and for sobriety to have given me this incredible life. This life really is a ‘life beyond my wildest dreams’ because even my wildest dreams could not conjure this up! If I could tell ‘social drinker Kate’ or ‘drowning in addiction Kate’ what the future would hold, she would have said that hell would freeze over first and laughed in my face!
To summarise, my message to you is “THERE’S GOOD SHIT UP AHEAD. DON’T YOU DARE COUNT IT OUT”.
Thank you for reading My Secret Sobriety.
Kate xox
Loved the story Kate - I can relate to most of it!!! I started drinking when I was 16, it was legal to drink in NY at 18 at the time. I had anxiety issues and self image issues growing up and used alcohol as self-medication. It didn't help that I had an alcoholic for a mother and a loveless narcissist for a father growing up, lots of childhood trauma to go with everything else! that's just the tip...
It's been 24 years since I've had a drink and my life is better than I could have imagined! I'm retired at 62, been married to my lovely bride for 35+ years, have four fabulous fur-babies and just living the life!
When I got sober, I could see life through a clear lens. I made better decisions - this directly led to a better quality of life. If Kates story doesn't convince you, come talk to me - I'm on Twitter, @stu4ny .